today

I’m the most lucid character of this story. That’s the way is has to be, all the rest of them are just numbed by the simple possibility of living.

Assuming sometimes, yes, people matter, are they really irreplaceble? I mean how much would you have to feel to get there? Maybe i’m out of line here, and no, i do not really have a point with this, i’m just making conversation, i’m entertaining myself since i can’t sleep (nothing surprising here… ok moving on), so, maybe i’m out of line but i think overall it’s not the person that matters, it’s the spot he is sitting on. It’s the is-the-spotlight-bright-enough-to-make-me-count. It’s where you get, how fast you get there and how you see the world from the rooftops. So isn’t not being sure you are where you should be scary?

I never got why i’m so fascinated and intrigued at the same time by everything that’s evil, wrong and prohibited, why i sometimes enjoy pain more than pleasure, why from time to time making someone cry or at least make him really upset gives me a lot more satisfaction than making people laugh for instance. Oh, don’t get me wrong, i’m not that evil, i just have an appetite for these things. Oh i also lie a lot, i got used to lieing just because it made my life easier and things are just more in your control when you set  it up just the way you want it. I like that.

I also like whip cream and long walks on the beach (too oldfashioned?). Cats and skate shoes. Cheese and finishing a book in a couple of hours. Smoking and staying up late. Sex and taking pictures. Daydreaming and listening to rhcp. Confusing people and (most of all) making fun of myself. Oh god, i really don’t have a point with this post now do i?

1 comment January 14, 2009