my mind is a mess

Well…this is not my first blog. I used to have one a few years ago, stopped writing for a reason i can’t seem to remember right now. I also used to keep a diary a thousand years ago… don’t know what happend to that either. But i’m here now and i can’t find the right words to say what i want to. To say anything at all actually.

So it’s 4 am and i’m not asleep as usuall. I don’t have trouble sleeping, i’m not depressed or anything, i just… don’t sleep. I have so many things i want, i just don’t know how to get them. I actually don’t know if i can get them. But, as a great philosopher once said, you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes, you get what you need.

 I always thought of myself as being somehow special, different, separate from everyone else, not because i actually was so special, but because i needed to belive i matter, i’m not just another human being who just happens to be here. I still need to belive that, even though i can clearly see the world wouldn’t be any different if i wasn’t in it. Always stays the same, nothing ever changes.

I can’t seem to get pass the sweeping insesitiviy of this still life. I can’t move forward in a world that doesn’t care. Not even in an egocentric way. we just don’t care. it’s like we’re not even there. and that just sucks.

OK… so… i’m gonna go for a smoke now 🙂

Add a comment April 21, 2008